Background
by Lingua Dii
Summary: Kenny's always just standing in the background, letting his friends decide everything for him - where to go, what to do... But what's really on his mind?  Rated T for language.
1. It Hurts

"I love you, Kyle." said Kenny as he embraced the smaller boy.  
>"I love you too, Kenny. I always have."<p>

At first, Kenny smiled and leaned down, eager to seal their confession with a kiss, but then he noticed something wasn't quite right. He looked around nervously for a few seconds and, after realizing what it was, finished what he wanted to do.

"...I just wish you were real." said Kenny with tears in his eyes.  
>"What are you talking about?"<br>"This."

Kenny snapped his fingers and suddenly, he was back on his bed. It was just a dream. It was still very dark outside, so he stayed in his bed and cried softly until the first rays of sunlight bled through his window and onto his face.

"_Time to get up... Although I guess I could stay here just a little longer..._"

Kenny was still feeling disappointed due to his dream, which resulted in a lack of will to go to school. However, something else compelled him to go: he knew that he would get to be with Kyle. Of course, that didn't make it perfect, but at least it made it tolerable.

"Kenny! Get up!"

"_Dammit, Kevin... Can't you give me a minute?_"

"KENNY!"  
>"WHAT?"<br>"You have a field trip today, did you forget about that?"

"_Yes._"

"No! I just got... distracted."  
>"...Well, now you're not distracted anymore. Get your ass up and let's go."<br>"Wait downstairs. I'll be there in a few minutes."  
>"If you're not here in ten minutes, I'm leaving without you."<br>"...You're seriously giving me a time limit?"  
>"Go!"<p>

Kenny reluctantly got up and, eight minutes later, he was in the car with his brother. Ever since Kevin got his driver's license he had been acting like an asshole about it, but Kenny didn't complain much about it. Even though the school was within walking distance of his house, being driven to school was a much better option. It got him there faster, which meant that he would be with Kyle sooner.

* * *

><p>Once he got to school and saw Kyle, he started to remember why he shouldn't have gotten there so soon. As soon as their eyes met, everything froze. His heart was pounding in his chest, his blood was rushing in his ears and he felt himself blush, so he pulled on the strings of his parka to hide his face. When Kevin finally stopped the car, Kenny thanked him for the ride and walked slowly towards Kyle, trying not to seem too excited about it.<p>

"Hey, Kenny."

Kenny nodded, acknowledging his friends' presence, but he didn't say anything.  
>Being around Kyle made him nervous and excited, and he knew it would become very clear once he opened his mouth. To keep his feelings a secret, he just stood in the background, following his friends around without saying anything. When he came up with this to hide his feelings, it seemed like a good idea, but nowadays he was so afraid to show any signs of his feelings that he barely spoke around Kyle.<p>

"Why is the bus late?" asked Stan.  
>"The bus driver is dating Mr. Mackey, so they're probably in his office." replied Cartman.<br>"How the fuck do you know that?"  
>"I have connections..."<br>"You're just making it up, fatass."  
>"Shut up, Kyle!"<br>"Guys, the bus is here. Let's go."  
>"You know they're gonna make us write a report on this, right?"<br>"Who cares... Just write about how awesome it was and you'll get a C."

As they argued, the boys started moving slowly towards the bus. Kenny was trying to keep his distance from Kyle, but it wasn't working. To Kenny, it seemed as if the group moved in such a way that forced him and Kyle to be next to each other, and he couldn't keep his distance every single time it happened, since it would be very suspicious. However, he was the one who was drifting towards Kyle without even noticing it. Eventually he just gave up and tried to avoid thinking about it.

"_This isn't even one of the bad days... But I shouldn't think about those. It might make things worse._"

* * *

><p>As soon as Kenny got on the bus, he started looking for an available seat as far away from Kyle as possible. When he finally found one, however, he ended up sitting next to Kyle anyway. Even though he knew that being close to Kyle always made him feel worse, he couldn't stay away. He <em>wanted<em> to stay close to Kyle.

"_Why do I keep doing this to myself?_"

Focusing too much on Kyle eventually made him think that they would never be together. After just a few seconds of thinking about that, Kenny had a very hard time holding back his tears. Yet he still couldn't stay away. Of course, he never actually did or said anything, but he was always in the background, staying as close to Kyle as possible, whilst trying to keep any hints that he liked him to a minimum. However, he wasn't aware of any of that. As far as he was concerned, he was just trying to keep his secret safe.

* * *

><p>As usual, Kenny was the victim of an unusual set of circumstances and died during the field trip. Usually, he could deal with it, but his feelings for Kyle were pushing him over the edge. It was exhausting for him to keep lying to his friends about this. Yet he couldn't say anything. If he told them about his ability, they would send him to a psychiatrist, or worse – straight to the asylum. If he told them about his feelings, they would never stop mocking him, which would send him over the edge and would put him in an asylum anyway. He had no choice but to keep it a secret.<p>

"_Well, at least I didn't have to sit through all that... I guess I should start working on that essay now._"

Kenny did as Stan suggested, even though he never actually saw the whole thing. He wrote that the field trip was interesting and that he had fun, smiling to himself as he did.

"_The most interesting field trip __**ever**__... Just like every other field trip before this one... I should become a writer or something._"

"Hey, bro. Isn't it kinda early?"

"_For the weekend anyway. Usually you stay in bed until two._"

"Yeah, I woke up a while ago."  
>"What are you working on?"<br>"Just a small report about the field trip."  
>"...I heard you left about halfway."<br>"Yeah, uh... I got bored."  
>"OK then... Well, good luck with that. I, on the other hand, am going out with my girlfriend."<br>"Could you **be** any more of a show-off?"  
>"Hey, I'm just being realistic here. I've got a girlfriend, and you don't."<br>"Good for you. Now go away."

Kevin turned around for a second, but after realizing that his brother wasn't telling him everything, he went back inside.

"What's wrong, Kenny? You know I'm not trying to make you feel bad, right?"  
>"I'm tired."<br>"You just woke up."  
>"I have a headache."<br>"And yet here you are, working instead of having fun or resting."

This exchange was making Kenny feel uneasy. He wanted to tell his brother the truth, but the thought of spending the rest of his life (or rather, lives) in an asylum held him back. However, it was obvious that his brother wasn't leaving without an answer... or without a very good reason.

"Don't you have a date?"  
>"Yeah... What time is it?"<p>

Kenny glanced at the watch on his wrist, trying to hide it from his brother, and told him that it was almost noon.

"What?"  
>"Yeah. You'd better get going."<br>"Thanks, Kenny!"

"_Still as gullible as ever... Well, back to work._"

* * *

><p>After a very long and boring 20 minutes, Kenny finally finished his report. He tried to come up with an excuse for his absence during most of the field trip, but he couldn't. There was just no way to explain the fact that he had suddenly "left"... without getting him into trouble.<p>

"_Trouble it is then._"

* * *

><p>A few days later, Kenny had already printed the report and was about to deliver it to his teacher. When the teacher asked why he had left, Kenny said the same thing he had told his brother. Obviously the teacher didn't take it well and sent him to the principal's office, where he got a very long speech about why he had screwed up, followed by an even more boring speech to try to "cheer him up". Afterward, Kenny was finally able to go back to his class.<p>

* * *

><p>After school, Kenny went home as quickly as he could, as usual, completely unaware that Kyle was following him from afar. Unlike the other kids in the class, the teacher and the principal, Kyle didn't believe his story about just having left the field trip because he was bored. Kenny wasn't the most responsible kid at the school, but he was trying very hard to get good grades. There was no way he'd just leave a field trip for something so stupid.<br>Once Kenny realized that he was being followed by Kyle, his heart sped up to the point that it felt like it was about to explode. When he was about to go inside, Kyle quickly ran up to him and gave him a big hug. Kenny's stomach felt like it was trying to turn itself inside out, but he managed suppressed the urge to throw up, although he still jumped a bit from the hug.

"Hey, Kenny."

"_Just ignore him..._"

"I just noticed that you haven't been acting like yourself lately... Is everything alright?"

"_Ignore him..._"

"Ken?"

"_Don't say anything..._"

"I-I'm fine, Kyle."

"_Please stop hugging me._"

As if he had read Kenny's mind, Kyle released his grip when Kenny finally answered his question.

"You know, you never were a good liar."  
>"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you..." whispered Kenny.<br>"What?"  
>"It doesn't matter. Leave me alone."<br>"Come on, Kenny..."

Kenny slowly opened the door and went inside. Kyle sighed, thinking that Kenny wasn't even going to talk to him anymore. However...

"...Promise me two things."  
>"Sure. Anything."<br>"You can't tell anyone else."  
>"OK... What's the second thing?"<br>"After I tell you, you're going home."

Kyle thought about saying no because of the second requirement, but his curiosity was too great. He wanted to know what Kenny wanted to tell him.

"_Maybe..._"

"Alright. I promise."

Kenny led Kyle into his room and both boys sat down next to each other in silence for a long time, waiting for Kenny to finally reveal his big secret. Kenny glanced over at his friend a few times, who seemed very excited to hear what he had to say, almost to the point of desperation. It seemed as if he wasn't so much waiting for Kenny's answer, but rather waiting for him to say something specific. However, the blond boy wasn't very good at reading people, so he didn't see it and simply said what he promised to tell him.

"...I'm immortal, Kyle."

Kyle's expression immediately changed to one of disdain, since he thought that Kenny was lying to him.

"Kenny, if you don't want to tell me the truth, just say so."  
>"...I knew you wouldn't believe me."<br>"You told me the same thing when we were kids. It wasn't funny then and it isn't funny now."  
>"You know what? Fuck you. I've been dying nearly every week for <strong>eighteen years<strong> now. Do you know what that's like?"

Kyle stared at Kenny for a long time, wondering if he was actually telling the truth. The very idea seemed ridiculous, but one thing was certain – Kenny believed it. That didn't prove anything, but it was clear that he was suffering because of it. Realizing this, Kyle slowly put his hand on Kenny's head and gently patted it, trying to show his support.

"...What are you doing?"  
>"I'm trying to show you that I care."<br>"Does that mean you believe me? Or is this one of those 'I believe you believe it, but I still think you're insane' moments?"  
>"...It's one of those moments."<br>"Great. Well, you can go now."  
>"Why are you being such a dick?"<p>

"_Because I can't stand being around you... I love you too much._"

"I just want to spend some time alone."  
>"...Alright. I'll see you tomorrow, right?"<br>"Yeah."

"_I probably won't be saying much, but whatever..._"

After Kyle left, Kenny started thinking about the hug. Although he had thought to himself that he wanted Kyle to let go, he knew that it wasn't true, or at least not entirely. He wanted more than just a friendly hug. He wanted to fulfill the dream that he had been having for days now about confessing his love to Kyle and knowing that it was not one-sided. He wanted Kyle to love him.  
>Eventually his thoughts deviated and he started focusing on the negative side – the fact that Kyle would never see him as anything more than a good friend. A few minutes of focusing on that made him even more depressed, to the point that he started crying.<br>Kenny clutched his chest in pain, thinking that he was having a heart attack or something, but he soon realized that it was just his depression manifesting itself as physical pain. He had heard of stories about things like this happening, but he had never believed them... until now. The pain wasn't unbearable, but it frightened him so much that it made it seem a lot worse than it actually was.

"_Why does it hurt so much? What's wrong with me?_"


	2. The Date

Kenny woke up earlier than usual. Once he adjusted to the darkness, he glanced over at his clock and saw that it was, in fact, very early (or rather, very late). He hadn't even slept for two hours. Kenny groaned and tried leaving his bed, but he was just too tired. He collapsed back onto his bed almost immediately after getting up.

"_I guess I'm not going anywhere..._"

Although he was exhausted, Kenny didn't fall asleep until he had had a chance to go over every moment he had spent with Kyle in the last three years. Every time their eyes met, every time he felt his blood rushing to his face, focusing specially on every time they touched. However, each memory was accompanied by a voice screaming in his head that these moments were all based on Kyle's friendship, and nothing more. After a while, Kenny started crying and fell asleep shortly afterward.

* * *

><p>When Kenny woke up for the second time, the first thing he noticed was that his brother hadn't been the one to wake him up, nor was he anywhere near his room. This was unusual, but not something he should be worried about. The second thing he noticed, however, was.<p>

"_I'm late!_"

As Kenny got ready for school as quickly as he could, he noticed that Kevin had already left without him. He wondered why just for a few seconds, but after nearly falling down the stairs, he decided to focus on what he was doing and talk to Kevin later.

* * *

><p>At school, Kenny was once again met with angry glances from his teacher, but he ignored his teacher completely and just went to his seat, waiting for everyone to resume what they were doing.<br>Kenny glanced at Kyle every few minutes, although he didn't understand why. He felt compelled, almost forced, to look at Kyle. Although the sight of him was pleasant, the fact that he couldn't control it was not. In fact, it was frightening. Kenny didn't know what was going on with him. He felt as if he was losing control of himself, and he was afraid of what might happen if he completely lost it. Best case scenario, he'd tell Kyle about his feelings. Worst case scenario, he would do something even more stupid than that, like try to kiss him, or worse.

"_...I can't do this anymore._"

* * *

><p>As soon as he had some free time, Kenny rushed to the school's library and picked up every book he could find about Cthulhu and the Old Ones; specifically how one could become immortal using rituals, and how to undo what had been done to him. He just wanted the pain to stop. He wanted to die.<p>

"Hey, Ken."  
>"...Kyle."<p>

"_Still in a bad mood, I see..._"

"What are you reading?"  
>"It's nothing." said Kenny as he tried to cover his books.<p>

"_Right..._"

"Look, Stan and I and... **Cartman**... were planning on watching the new Iron Man movie this Saturday. I was hoping you'd come with us..."  
>"S-Sure. When should I be there?"<p>

"_Don't do it._"

"Well, the movie starts at... 8 PM, so you should be there a few minutes before that."

"_Stop._"

"Alright."

"_You can't do this._"

"Great." said Kyle as he smiled. "I'll see you there."

Kenny sighed and slammed his head on the table, earning him a few angry glares from the students and the staff around him, although he didn't notice it. He was exhausted after his "battle" with the voice whispering in his head, always trying to get him to give up on everything. He had been able to ignore it for a while, but now the voice was winning. It had convinced him to try to commit suicide, although he didn't know it.

* * *

><p>Kenny searched for answers every chance he got for the rest of the day, yet he was unable to find anything helpful. He saw a few rituals on how to gain immortality, one of which had probably been performed on him as a child, but nothing on how to stop it. This wasn't unexpected, however. After all, people had always been trying to increase their lifespan, not decrease it. Unfortunately, that wasn't what Kenny wanted. He wanted it to stop.<br>The unusual covers of the books Kenny was reading didn't go unnoticed by the other students in the library, especially after he had unwittingly drawn attention to himself by making a lot of noise.

"Hey, what's that guy reading?"  
>"Who?"<br>"The blond guy over there."  
>"I heard him asking for some books on immortality rituals..."<br>"It would be awesome if those worked..."  
>"I know, right? Living forever... Although it could also get boring after a long time."<br>"I guess, but come on, it'd still be pretty awesome."

"_These idiots don't know what it's like... If they did, they wouldn't want to be immortal._"

The discussion between the two students continued, which made Kenny angry enough to give up on his research... for now. He couldn't stand people who thought that his situation was a "gift", when it was, in fact, the worst thing that had ever happened to him. Sure, his deaths had been decreasing in frequency, but they were still there. Worse yet, the pain was also still there. He didn't remember every single death, but the most painful ones were still in his memory, as if some sort of sick joke played on him by his own mind.  
>Kenny tried to distract himself by considering Kyle's proposal. He hadn't spent time with his friends outside of school in months, so it sounded good at first, but...<p>

"_If I stay around Kyle any longer, I think I'm gonna lose it... I can't go. I won't do that to him. But... if I __**don't**__ go... What would he say then?_"

Kenny couldn't stop thinking about how Kyle reacted when he said he'd be there. He was happy that they were going to spend time together. How could he go back on his word now? He would just have to hope for an opportunity to get out of this mess.

* * *

><p>After school, Kenny went to the South Park library to finish his research. Kyle was once again following him, but this time, Kenny noticed it and managed to lose him. He didn't want Kyle to know what he was trying to do. The fact that Kyle would then remember his death (since it would be his last) and live with it for the rest of his life didn't even cross his mind. He just wanted it to be over.<p>

* * *

><p>After searching through dozens of books, Kenny finally found what he was looking for – a way to kill any being, even immortals. It was very complex and would require a dictionary to understand all of it, but it was what he wanted.<p>

"Kid, it's time to leave."  
>"I need to take this book."<br>"OK, let me just check something first..."

The librarian opened the book and frowned at what he saw.

"Sorry, you can't borrow this one."  
>"Why the hell not?"<br>"See these stickers?"  
>"Yeah..."<br>"This one means that the book is the only copy we have. The other one means that it's very old. I **might** have been able to let you borrow it with only one of these stickers, but with the two... I just can't."

"_No wonder people don't use libraries anymore... The book is too old? Fucking idiots..._"

"But I **really** need this book."  
>"Sorry. I can't help you with that. You'll have to come back in a few days."<br>"What?"  
>"Didn't you read the signs at the door?<p>

"_What signs?_"

"...Look, the library's closing in... five minutes ago. Read the signs and come back in a few days."  
>"Fine." muttered Kenny.<p>

Kenny walked outside and noticed that there were, in fact, signs at the door, warning that the library was going to be closed for renovations. He had been so busy with his "project" that he completely overlooked them.

"_Fucking libraries... What the fuck does 'renovations' mean anyway? Are they gonna reorder the books?_"

* * *

><p>The rest of Kenny's day went on as usual. He went home, had dinner, played on his computer and went to sleep.<p>

* * *

><p>The following morning, Kenny's first thought was that today he would have to spend two hours sitting next to Kyle. Of course, Stan and Cartman would be there too, but he knew that Kyle would never sit next to Cartman for that long and would in fact sit as far away from him as possible. Stan, on the other hand, didn't care either way, although lately he seemed to have become Cartman's best friend, or at least as close to one as he could be, given Cartman's "unique" personality. He would most likely sit next to Cartman, even if unintentionally.<p>

"_I need a way to get out of this..._"

"Hey, bro."  
>"Hey, Kevin."<br>"I'm sorry about yesterday. I came in and..."  
>"...And what?"<br>"You were asleep. I walked over to you and was going to wake you up, but then... you said something. Well, more like... mumbled something."

Kenny was starting to feel nervous. He didn't remember if he had dreamed the day before, but if he had, he knew it had been about Kyle.

"...You said 'Kyle, don't leave me alone.'"

At that moment, Kenny thought his heart would explode. All this time he had wasted trying to keep his secret safe and in the end, he couldn't stop it from being revealed.

"_Maybe I can still turn this around..._"

"Y-Yeah, I was probably having a nightmare or something."  
>"Come on, Kenny... You and I both know that's not true. You weren't scared. You were sad."<p>

"_Yeah, I should've known that wasn't gonna work..._"

"Do you love him?"  
>"...More than you know."<p>

Kenny knew that there was no point in lying to his brother. The only person who knew him better than Kevin was Kyle. Even if he could come up with a convincing story, Kevin would see through it.

"Why don't you tell him?"  
>"Sure. I'd just say 'Hey, Kyle, I think you're a great guy. Actually, I like you a lot. Wanna go out some time?'"<br>"You gotta know that he wouldn't do anything stupid, right?"  
>"Like what? Run away? Stop talking to me? Tell everyone? Kyle's a nice guy, but he's not a saint. I know he would do something like that, or worse."<br>"...I see your point. But I still think telling him would be the best move."  
>"I don't want to tell him."<br>"I can't force you to do anything, and I won't tell him either. I just want you to think about what you're doing and tell me if you really think it's the best choice."  
>"...I do."<p>

"_But you still want to tell him..._"

"Alright then. I'll see you downstairs in fifteen minutes."  
>"Dude, not this again..."<br>"Go!"

"_Fucking Kevin..._"

* * *

><p>Like before, Kenny made it with a few minutes to spare and went to school. Kenny was already late, so there wasn't anyone there, except for one person – Kyle. Once Kenny got out of the car, Kyle approached him and gave him a big hug, just like two days ago.<p>

"Hey, Ken." said Kyle.

When Kevin saw Kyle's arms wrapped around his brother, he cleared his throat just to annoy Kenny.

"_Kevin, go away._" thought Kenny as he raised and lowered his arms, trying to decide if he should push Kyle away or hug him back.

Seeing his brother's discomfort, Kevin smiled to himself and drove away, leaving Kenny alone with Kyle.

"H-Hey, Kyle. What are you doing out here?" asked Kenny as he and Kyle walked towards the school.  
>"I... just arrived. I saw you and Kevin, so I waited for you... Are you still coming with us to watch the movie?"<br>"Sure. 8, right?"  
>"Yeah."<br>"Alright... We should probably get to class."  
>"Yeah."<p>

Kenny and Kyle hastily went inside, each thinking about the movie, although in different ways. Kenny was still trying to come up with a way to get out of it, while Kyle was simply looking forward to it.

* * *

><p>After school, Kenny went straight home without talking to Kyle, mostly because he couldn't find him. Kevin had been waiting for him in the living room for a while, to talk to him about what happened when he arrived.<p>

"So, you and Kyle are... close."  
>"What do you mean?"<br>"The first thing he does when he sees you is give you a hug, and you don't find that strange?"

"_I do, but not in the way you think._"

"Like I said, he's a nice guy. He does that to almost everyone."

"_It's fucking creepy._"

"...Seriously?"  
>"Yeah."<br>"...Well, forget I said anything then."

"_Always do._"

Kenny went into his room, completely unaware that he had never actually **seen** Kyle do anything like that to any of his friends. He was also unaware that Kyle only hugged him when they were alone and didn't release him for some time. To him, all these things seemed normal (at least when they came from Kyle).

* * *

><p>At Kyle's house, the red-haired boy grabbed his phone and quickly dialed Stan's number. There were a few things he needed to tell him.<p>

"Stan, dude, sorry to call you like this, but... it turns out I won't be able to go with you guys. Can we go some other day?"  
>"Come on, Kyle! You're the one who planned this in the first place!"<br>"I know, I know. I'm sorry..."

Stan sighed audibly on the other end, which made Kyle smile.

"Fine..."  
>"I'm really sorry. Do you mind calling Cartman to tell him about that?"<br>"Sure... Why not..."

"_Perfect._"

"Can you just tell me why you can't come?"  
>"I'll explain later, but you gotta keep it a secret. And I don't just mean after I explain it. You can't tell anyone else that I called you, not even Kenny."<p>

Stan wondered for a few seconds whether it was really worth it to keep such a seemingly unimportant secret from everyone, but his curiosity got the best of him, so he agreed to it.

"...Alright. But it better be a damn good explanation."

"_It is._"

"I gotta go. I'll call Kenny, so don't worry about it."

Stan grunted in response and hung up the phone, prompting Kyle to dial Kenny's number as quickly as he had Stan's.

"Hey, Ken. Listen, I just talked to Stan, and... it turns out that he and Cartman aren't coming."  
>"Why not?"<br>"I dunno, something about Cartman's stuffed animals or something like that. Anyway, I called just to see if you'd still like to go... just you and me."

"_Uh..._"

Kenny was faced with a choice – tell Kyle to reschedule it or go with him on what would essentially be a date. Either way, he knew his friend would agree with it.  
>However, there was a third option already being whispered in the back of Kenny's mind: turn him down on the whole thing and devote his time to finding a way to get rid of his immortality. There had to be other libraries that had the book he needed, or even a follower of Cthulhu who knew the ritual by heart. They were highly devoted, after all. One of them should know what he needed to complete the ritual.<p>

"...Ken? Are you still there?"  
>"Y-Yeah. L-Look, I gotta go. I'll talk to you tomorrow, alright?"<br>"...Sure."

"_By the way, I love you, Kyle._"

"Alright. Goodbye."

Kyle reluctantly hung up the phone, trying to figure out if he had done something wrong. He had already questioned his plan several times, but there wasn't another option. He knew that Kenny liked him, although he would never say it outright. The only way to do that was to force him into an intimate moment. Simple hugs weren't working, so something even more intimate was required.  
>However, Kenny wasn't making it easy. Every time he showed the slightest bit of affection, Kenny just ignored it or tried to get out of it. Kyle didn't understand why he did that, so he blamed himself, thinking that he must be doing something wrong.<p>

"_Maybe... Maybe he just doesn't like me..._"


	3. Too Late

Sorry for the long wait. It wasn't meant to take this long, but I got distracted with a couple of games.

* * *

><p>After putting down his phone, Kenny once again clutched his chest in pain. Every time he considered not going with Kyle it just got worse, but imagining what it would be like if he actually went didn't make him feel better either.<p>

"_I need this to stop... I can't waste my time with stupid dreams like trying to get Kyle. All that does is make the pain worse... I gotta talk to the Goth Kids tomorrow. I can't take it any more._"

* * *

><p>The following day, Kenny spoke to Kyle, in private, like he promised.<p>

"I-I was thinking about what you said yesterday, but... something else came up."  
>"Well, we could go next week, right?"<br>"...I don't think so."  
>"Why not?"<p>

"_By then I'll be dead... for good._"

"...I just can't. Look, we should go. The teacher's probably gonna be pissed if we take too long."  
>"Y-Yeah, sure... I'll meet you there."<br>"Alright. See ya."

Kenny left, trying to focus on getting to class and completely unaware of the effect he had had on Kyle.  
>Although he was able to hide his disappointment in front of Kenny, as soon as he left, Kyle snapped. If Kenny had simply postponed it, it would have made sense. The fact that he completely gave up on it had hurt Kyle to the point that he started crying and sobbing uncontrollably.<p>

"_What did I do wrong? Is this revenge or something because I didn't believe his story? And why can't I stop crying?_"

* * *

><p>Kyle rushed to the bathroom to clean himself up a bit before going to class. Kenny wondered what Kyle had been doing before he finally joined them, but he didn't think it was anything important. Besides, he had more important things to worry about, like finding the Goth Kids. They had abandoned their usual hangout spot a while back, and nobody had seen them outside of the classrooms since then. Of course, he couldn't just follow them. They would probably notice him and run away, or worse, disappear altogether. Since they knew him, he would never get another chance. However, they knew Mysterion. With any luck, they would tell him everything he needed to know, without recognizing him.<br>Kenny once again considered talking to any Cthulhu worshipers he could find, but they all knew him as both Kenny and Mysterion. Worse yet, if he approached them as Kenny, they wouldn't tell him anything. If he approached them as Mysterion, they'd kill him. The Goth Kids were his last chance, other than waiting for the library to finish its renovations. And he couldn't wait.

* * *

><p>As soon as he went home, Kenny took out his Mysterion costume and stared at it for a long time. He had been making larger copies of it over the years, just in case he needed them, but he hadn't actually worn any since Cthulhu was released.<p>

"_I guess all the time I wasted on these things will finally pay off..._"

* * *

><p>At midnight, Kenny snuck out and went straight for the youngest Goth Kid's house and waited until he left to meet the others. Afterward, it was a simple matter of following him and making his appearance when the time was right.<p>

"Hello."  
>"Great, it's underpants guy."<p>

"_I can't believe I actually thought this was a good idea..._"

"Cut the crap. I need information."

The Goth Kids glanced at each other, bored out of their minds as usual. After a long sigh, their "leader" finally spoke.

"What do you want to know?"  
>"There is a ritual that can be used to take away someone's immortality. I need you to tell me how to do it."<p>

The Goth Kids once again glanced at each other, this time confused by Kenny's request.

"...Why would we know something like that?"  
>"It's part of a series of rituals involving Cthulhu. We both know you worshiped him, so you must know this."<br>"Didn't we have this conversation a few years ago? **Only an immortal can kill another immortal**. That's all there is to it."  
>"No. I saw it."<br>"Look, if there was such a ritual, it would be in the Necronomicon. It's not there. You can check it yourself." said the goth kid as he turned around to grab the book.  
>"...Is it possible that it's just not there?"<br>"...Maybe, but think about it for a second. Why would there be a ritual to take away someone's immortality? Why would someone even create such a ritual? It makes no sense."

"_I saw it..._"

"...I have to go."

The goth kid turned around again, wondering why Kenny cared about all of this. He wanted to ask him, but he had already left.

* * *

><p>Kenny ran straight home and tried to fall asleep, but his mind was overwhelmed with doubt. The Goth Kids had a point – nobody would want to take away their own immortality. He had already considered this, but once he actually saw a ritual to do just that, he ignored it. However, there was more to it. He <em>wanted<em> to ignore it. He wanted to believe that there was a way out for him; a way to stop the pain. Moreover, from what he remembered from his brief reading (if it could even be called that), the ritual actually required the person to be willing to give up their immortality. It sounded like either the ritual was a fake or the person who made it was as desperate as he was to get rid of their immortality. Of course, Kenny only focused on the latter. Thinking about the former for more than ten seconds was very distressing, to say the least.

* * *

><p>Kenny went to the library every day, to check on the progress of the so-called "renovations", whilst avoiding Kyle. He knew that spending time with Kyle only made the pain worse. He needed to be alone for his plan to work. However, he hadn't completely forgotten about Kyle. There was a second voice whispering inside his head, telling him to stop what he was doing, for Kyle's sake. Unfortunately, the whispering was almost completely drowned out by the first voice, telling him to go forward with his plan.<br>Kyle, on the other hand, was feeling very sad after Kenny refused to go watch a movie with him. He tried again every couple of days, but Kenny continued to refuse, even when he included Stan and Cartman once again. Kyle finally gave up after the third attempt and went with Stan and Cartman anyway, just to keep up appearances. He didn't really like the movie; he only wanted to spend time with Kenny. Once he realized that Kenny was avoiding him, he got even sadder, thinking that Kenny was avoiding him because of his invitation. Of course, Kenny just didn't know what Kyle's intentions were. He had convinced himself that Kyle didn't like him and never would, so short of telling him he liked him, there wasn't anything Kyle could do to convince Kenny otherwise. And even that might not be enough in his current state of mind.

* * *

><p>After almost a full week, the library was open once again. Kenny ran straight for it and went inside, only to find that his suspicions were true – it had been completely reorganized.<p>

"_Great. It took me three hours to find that fucking book last time, now they changed everything. Fucking idiots._"

Kenny thought about asking for help in finding the book, but he figured that they probably wouldn't know either. They weren't helpful the first time, and that was before the renovations. Now that virtually everything had been moved from its original place, it'd be like asking someone to locate a country on a map that had been torn to pieces while wearing a blindfold.

Due to the fact that Kenny already knew what book he was looking for, it didn't take him very long (compared to the first time) to find it again. Once he did, he quickly grabbed a small notepad he had brought with him and started writing down everything with little squares in front of each sentence, so he could mark the things that he already had. However, most of the things were unknown to him.

"_This is gonna take some special help..._"

Kenny glanced over at the last requirement. It had been underlined long ago by someone else; probably the original owner of the book. It said that it was absolutely required that the person performing the ritual be completely willing to surrender their immortality. He wondered for a few moments if he wasn't making a big mistake with all of this. Assuming it worked, what then? What would his friends say?

"_...What would __**Kyle**__ say?_"

Kenny felt something strange on his face, so he reached for it and realized that he was crying. The very thought of hurting Kyle was tearing him apart, but he couldn't stop now. He had to go through with it. He **needed** to go through with it. He couldn't stop because of what might happen; he was in pain, and that's all that mattered right now. Kenny tried to convince himself that what happened afterward was none of his business, but he couldn't. All he could do was ignore it and try to complete the ritual before he went insane.

* * *

><p>After writing down everything he needed, Kenny went home and talked to his brother. He was about to put his plan into motion, so he wanted to say his goodbyes, and make certain that nobody would find out about it.<p>

"...H-Hey, Kevin."  
>"Hey, bro."<br>"Listen, I-I think I'm going to be walking to school from now on."

"_And by that I mean I'm not going at all._"

"Why?"  
>"Y-You know, I don't want to bother you every day, and... I just think that it's kinda stupid, you know? I can get there in 15 minutes on foot. The car just seems... pointless."<p>

"_I know you're repeating yourself and stuttering a lot, so I'm guessing that there's something more to it... You don't want to have to spend too much time with Kyle._"

"OK..."  
>"Alright then..."<p>

Kenny started heading upstairs into his room, but he stopped halfway, trying to come up with something to tell Kevin. He wanted to say something, anything, but there was nothing he could say that wouldn't make Kevin suspicious. He'd have to hold on to his thoughts and say nothing, as he had done with Kyle.

"_...I'm sorry, Kevin._"

* * *

><p>As soon as Karen arrived, Kenny also had a conversation with her and went into his room afterward. He once again thought about what he wanted to do, and if it was really worth it. He thought about just how extreme his plan was; all to avoid pain. Was it really that bad? He had been in pain for pretty much all of his life; couldn't he handle it a bit longer until it went away?<p>

* * *

><p>In the morning, he pretended to get ready for school and left the house, although he was actually headed for the nearest occult shop, to buy all the things he needed. As soon as he walked inside, he regretted his decision to go to this particular store. It looked more like an easy way for someone to sell whatever junk they found and make some money rather than an actual shop where occult items were sold. Nevertheless, Kenny had all day to go through South Park and find a proper one, so he might as well try to see if his first impression was accurate.<p>

"Hey there. What can I get you?"  
>"I'm looking for these items." said Kenny as he handed over the list he had written down.<p>

The shop owner took the list from Kenny's hands and started reading it. At first, it seemed as if Kenny's search might have been over shortly after he started, but once he noticed the expression on the shop owner's face, he knew that it wasn't going to be so easy.

"_He looks more confused than that goth kid when I told him about the ritual..._"

"Uh... Sorry, kid. I've never heard of that stuff."

"_Figures._"

"Could I interest you in some amulets perhaps?"  
>"...No, thanks."<p>

"_One down... Only about half a dozen to go. Then I need to go to the library again, for that other book..._"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, at the school, Kyle was staring intensely at the classroom door.<p>

"_Where is he?_"

Kyle stared at the door for as long as he could, pausing for brief moments to write a few notes on what the teacher was explaining. However, even then, he was still focused on Kenny's whereabouts. In fact, for the past week, he had been unable to focus on anything except Kenny. It wasn't just his feelings for Kenny for him that were causing this; something didn't feel right about what Kenny had done. First he rejected his offer, even though Kyle was completely certain that he liked him, then he just completely avoided him whenever he could. Even if Kenny was creeped out on some level by what Kyle had tried to do, that was no reason to avoid him altogether. Something was going on here, and he was going to find out what it was.

"_I gotta sneak out of the house at night so that mom won't notice... Or I could just wait until lunch. Yeah, I should wait. His parents should be out, and so are his siblings. That should give us some privacy._"

* * *

><p>Shortly before lunch time, Kenny had finally bought all the necessary items to complete the ritual. He ran back to his room and started setting things up, but before he went through with it, he had one last thing to do. He wanted to leave a note for Kyle, telling him that he was sorry for what he had done and why he had to do it. He finished the note by confessing his love for him and focused on the ritual once again.<p>

"_I should probably get started._"

* * *

><p>Kenny completed the ritual just minutes before Kyle arrived at his house. Of course, completing it only removed his immortality. The second part of his plan involved a knife (since his gun had been taken away years ago) and his internal organs.<p>

"_...Time to finish this._"

Kenny slowly picked up the knife and stabbed himself in the stomach. Just as he removed the knife, Kyle walked into the room, immediately rushing to his aid.

"Kenny! What the fuck? What did you do? Hang on, I'm calling an ambulance!"  
>"N-No... Leave me alone..."<br>"I'm not leaving you alone, you idiot! What the fuck is wrong with you?"  
>"...I couldn't stand it anymore... Just leave me alone, Kyle. Please."<br>"I can't leave you alone, Ken... I-I..."

"_Just say it, you moron! Kenny's gonna die at any moment and you can't even admit it to him?_"

"I gotta call an ambulance. Just... try to stay awake, Ken. Please."

"_Why did he do this?_" thought Kyle as he quickly dialed 911.

After hanging up the phone, Kyle noticed the small envelope on Kenny's desk with his name on it. Without giving it much thought, he grabbed and opened it. Once Kenny noticed what Kyle was doing, he called out to him.

"Kyle, don't..."

But it was too late. Kyle read the note as quickly as he could, but the last sentence made him forget the situation he was in for a brief moment. He read it three times, just to be certain that he hadn't made a mistake. After finishing the third time, his tears started rolling down his cheeks, just like when Kenny walked away from him.

"...Why didn't you tell me?"  
>"I-I-I..."<p>

"_He's losing too much blood._"

"Come on, Ken! Stay with me!"  
>"I c-can't..."<br>"Don't say that! Yes you can! You just need to hold on until the ambulance arrives!"  
>"...I'm s-sorry, Kyle... I'll a-always l-love you."<p>

With that, Kyle finally realized that Kenny simply wasn't going to make it. He leaned down and locked lips with his ever-fading friend and started crying again, his tears mixing with Kenny's.

"...I love you too, Kenny."

Kenny's last thought was that he didn't want to die. Not now. Not when he had finally been happy for the first time in years; all thanks to Kyle. However, his current condition was simply hopeless. He squeezed Kyle's hand one last time before closing his eyes and fading away completely. By the time the ambulance arrived, all they found was Kyle, crying on his knees next to Kenny's lifeless body.

* * *

><p>"It's too late. Always has been, always will be... too late. " - Jon OstermanDoctor Manhattan  
>There's going to be an epilogue. Just saying. Sorry if the ending seems "rushed".<p> 


	4. Failed Attempts

Kenny woke up lying down in a dark place. He closed his eyes and once again started crying. He thought he was in Hell, but that wasn't the reason behind his tears.

"_...I can't believe I did that... I left him behind. Worse yet, I let him down... I'm so sorry, Kyle..._"

Kenny stayed still for a long time, trying to figure out what to do next, when he noticed that something was wrong. If he was in Hell, where was Satan? In fact, where was all the fire that made the place so bright?

"_...Where am I?_"

Kenny opened his eyes again and walked around a bit, expecting to find himself in Heaven, but what he found out was much better. He was alive again, and still in South Park. Despite his overwhelming feeling of relief, he still wondered as to how this was possible. Was the ritual a fake? Was it because of his regret at the end? Did he perform the ritual incorrectly? Or was he actually in Hell and this was all some sort of elaborate torture? It didn't matter. Kenny rushed towards the door with one thought in his mind – finding Kyle.

"_I gotta find him and tell him... Tell him __**what**__? He's probably gonna be pissed that I 'ran away' or something... Ah, screw it. I'll deal with that later._"

* * *

><p>Despite trying to convince himself that it would be alright, Kenny was still wondering what he should tell Kyle once he got over to his house. He had already tried to tell him that he was immortal, and Kyle didn't believe him. He wouldn't remember anything anyway, so how could Kenny even try to convince him of such a thing? He would soon find out, as he had already arrived.<p>

"_OK, so... ring the doorbell in the middle of the night and wake everyone up or go in through the window and scare the crap out of him..._"

* * *

><p>Kenny chose the latter, since he didn't want to face Kyle's mom in what would probably turn into a fight to the death. He was very careful not to make any noise as he approached Kyle's bed, but Kyle still woke up anyway, as if he had sensed his presence.<p>

"...Who's there?"  
>"Hey, Kyle. It's me."<br>"...Ken?" said Kyle as he turned on the lamp on his nightstand.  
>"Listen, I know you don't remember, but-"<p>

Kenny was once again victim of one of Kyle's big hugs, although this time, Kyle was sobbing audibly.

"H-Hey, what's the matter?"  
>"Y-You... you were dead. I-I felt you die... How are you still here?"<p>

"_You remember? How is that possible?_"

"...I told you before, I can't die."  
>"...I guess that explains a lot."<br>"What do you mean?"

Kyle explained that after the ambulance arrived, they took him away to the hospital to try to revive him, to no avail. Afterward they had a funeral, where everyone tried to comfort Kyle, as he had been the one to see Kenny die, and finally they all moved on.

"Wait,'moved on'? How long ago was this?"  
>"...You died almost three months ago."<p>

"_What the fuck did that ritual do to me?_"

"Well, I'm back now, and I'm not gonna leave you again."  
>"...Why did you do it? Why did you try to kill yourself?"<br>"Do you know what it's like to die over and over and over again, only to wake up the next day feeling in pain without having a scratch on you?"  
>"...How many times have you died?"<br>"I lost count, but well over two hundred."  
>"What changed?"<br>"What do you mean?"  
>"I'm guessing you were telling the truth when we were kids about this. What changed?"<br>"...I, uh..." said Kenny as he blushed. "I... fell in love... with you."  
>"...Was that really so wrong that you felt you had to kill yourself?"<br>"No, it's nothing like that... I just... I couldn't stand not having you... It hurt."  
>"...You won't have that problem anymore."<p>

Kyle suddenly put his arms around Kenny again, this time pulling him into his bed. Kenny, of course, didn't even try to fight it.

"...Don't ever do that to me again, Ken."

Kenny gently kissed Kyle for the first time in months, and both boys fell asleep shortly afterward.

* * *

><p>The following morning, Kyle was surprised to find Kenny still in his bed. For the past three months he had been dreaming of situations similar to this one, but now he was certain that it was real. He gently approached his new boyfriend and woke him up.<p>

"Hey there, Ken."  
>"Good morning. How are you doing?"<br>"I'm OK... You should probably go before someone sees you."  
>"Do you really want me to?"<br>"...No. I haven't seen you in so long... I missed you, Ken."  
>"...I'm never gonna leave you again, Kyle. I swear."<p>

Kyle once again put his arms around Kenny, pulling him together for another kiss.

"_I love you so much, Ken..._"

"We should probably get downstairs."  
>"What are you gonna tell your mom?"<br>"I dunno. Let's just go."

The boys went downstairs together and although everyone was surprised to see Kenny, nobody seemed to remember that he had died. Kyle was the only one who remembered everything that had happened. Kenny wondered yet again why the ritual had failed, but he stopped caring once he looked at Kyle. He was finally with the one he loved, and that's all that mattered to him.

* * *

><p>Alright, that's the end of this story. I hope you liked it. I'll start working on the next story as soon as I can. After that I'm probably gonna take a break to come up with a new plot, unless I can come up with one while writing the next story.<p> 


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